Oh deer

This is a photo of Mike's car, which had the misfortune of colliding with an 8-point buck last Tuesday night.

We are thankful the deer did not come through the windshield and that Mike walked away with no injuries.

The car and the deer, however, are different stories. A hunter came along shortly after the accident and shot the deer to put it out of its misery. The hunter speculated that all four legs were broken, so there was no chance the poor thing was going to survive.

The car is totaled.

Which, in a way, is a blessing. We were hoping to replace the car in the next year or so. It had a bad oil leak and we hadn't put any major money into repairs for it, so it's a blessing that we are getting insurance money out of something that could have (very soon) been a liability for us.

On Saturday we got a new-to-us car. It cost more than what I wanted to spend on a car, but in looking at our options, it was the one that made the most sense and will be the best value for us in the long run.

The good news is that the week before, God blessed us and gave us the ability to completely pay off our minivan.

For a split-second after Mike's run-in with the deer I was a little frustrated - we finally had paid off both cars, but less than a week later we had to add a payment back. What kind of progress is that?

But then I realized that, while this isn't ideal, God had already provided. We hadn't yet reworked our monthly budget to account for not having a car payment (we had in our heads - but not on paper) so to take on another payment is effortless. What a blessing!

As we approach Thanksgiving day I am reminded of how much I have to be thankful for. The list is long.

I'm not sure what else to write here - there has been a long pause in my thinking, reflecting on all the reasons I have to give thanks. One of the verses from Psalm 16 comes to mind - it is the same Psalm the Holy Spirit brought to my mind when I went in for my biopsy last year. It seems quite appropriate as a Psalm of thanksgiving (and for what we've been through in the past week) as well.

Yes, surely I have a delightful inheritance!

Psalm 16
1 Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge. 2 I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." 3 As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight. 4 The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods. I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips. 5 Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. 6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. 7 I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. 8 I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. 9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, 10 because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. 11 You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Let the decorating begin!

If you've been reading my blog for the past year, you know it's been a doozy of a year for us. We moved into our house on August 4, 2008, in the midst of several other major events. (You can read about some of it here and here. And here. And here. Oh yeah, and here too. I'll just stop there.)

It seems like we'd get through one issue just to have something else come up. We've dealt with cancer (x2), a fire, an accident, job changes, a biopsy, and probably some other stuff I'm forgetting by the grace of God. We've had additional changes and stresses this year, mostly stemming from work issues that revealed some heart issues that affected how Mike and I communicate that we then had to work through which is oh so tiring in and of itself.

All year long I've looked at my house and thought, I need to decorate. I need to do something with this place.

Decorating involves oodles of decisions, and decisions have never been my thing. (Although I'm working on that - not every decision has to be the RIGHT decision so I'm trying to learn not to pressure myself into being a perfectionist. Also, if I get it wrong every once in a while, who the heck cares?) And decisions about decorating have definitely not been at the top of the priority list this year.

Therefore, my house is incredibly bare, uncoordinated, and random. Things landed where they landed because it was the easiest decision to make at the time and was the most functional. We also have all of the nails from the previous owner's pictures in the walls, and a prominent place on the living room wall that needs some repair and some paint.

I've kind of beaten myself up for this. I've thought, we've lived here for x months now, why can't I get my act together? And then I would sigh and realize that I didn't have the mental or emotional capacity to care. And I'd move on to something else that comes more naturally for me, such as collapsing on the couch and watching TV.

About two months ago I started to care, but I felt completely overwhelmed at the thought of trying to do something with the house.

About two weeks ago, I started getting excited about decorating. I started tearing pages out of magazines that had good ideas and inspiration. I started wandering through the home section at Kohl's, Target, and Walmart. I started looking at my house and furniture with new eyes, looking for potential.

I've been reflecting on all of this - it's been simmering on the back burner a few days. I've been trying to define and analyze why things have unfolded the way they have. Now that things have settled down I look back and realize just how hard this year has been. If I got a new job, I would expect it take, say, a month for me to get acclimated. A month for my routine to be upset and for other areas of life to be a little unsettled while I figured out the new job and how to coordinate it with our day-to-day routine.

I would expect the same thing for moving to a new house.

If I got sick and was down and out for a week, I would expect it to take another week or two to get back into a routine.

If a close family member had surgery and I wanted to be available to help, I would expect my daily activities to get disrupted or suspended for a week or two, or more depending on the circumstances.

When I look at all of the major events that have happened and think about how each of them would normally interrupt life for x days or weeks, and then when I consider that several of these events happened all in the same week/month for me, well, it's no wonder that it's taken some time to get back to "normal."

As these thoughts simmered on my brain, I had another thought. When I get sick, I go through three phases. Phase #1 is the dead-to-the-world part - I'm sick, don't bug me, I don't care what is happening with the house, just leave me alone and let me sleep.

Phase #2 is the part where I'm feeling better, and I begin to notice all that has gone downhill during phase #1. I see everything that needs to be done, I care about it getting done, but I just don't have enough energy to do anything about it.

It's in phase #3 that I both care about everything AND have sufficient energy to work on getting it done.

I realized that the past two months have been my phase #2 for this crazy year. Things finally slowed down, we were finally making progress on some big issues, God had worked to heal up a few things, but I wasn't fully recovered. It's like I wrote in this post about digging around on the ocean floor for treasure - the activity had stopped, but the dust hadn't yet settled.

I'll admit that in thinking all of this, I felt guilty. Guilty because I felt that my issues from this year weren't as bad as what my mom and my sister had been through, and look how great they are doing! But I have to stop that line of thinking. I am where I am, and too many times I disqualify my own emotions because I compare them to someone else and judge that I have no right to feel xyz because Joe over there appears to have had the same experience and he's doing just fine, thankyouverymuch.

One of the major lessons God has been teaching me is to not squash my emotions. I do that too much, and it doesn't make them go away. It only means that at some point down the road I either explode or implode.

Um, so where was I?

Oh yeah, putting my house together and decorating.

I'm really excited about it.

I doubt it will be perfect, or that it will happen overnight.

But that's ok.

I've found several blogs that are inspiring: Living with Lindsay, Nesting Place, and Gracious Southern Living. There are many others that I've bookmarked and look forward to reading.

It seems that I have a lot of friends who are going through transitional times right now. If you are going through a transition and are feeling guilty because you aren't focusing attention on [insert unrealistic Martha Stewart-ish expectation here], I give you permission to stop. Give yourself some grace.

If I can organize myself enough to take before and after photos of my progress, I will. Actually getting them posted will be another story.

(But I refuse to feel guilty if they don't get posted.)

Surely I have a delightful inheritance

Today has been a good day. I ended up taking the whole day off work because the roads are so bad, and I didn't want to stress about running here, there and everywhere. It gave me an opportunity to not rush around this morning, and to take my time getting ready for the day.

I took Kaitlyn to the sitter's house around 10 a.m., ran an errand, then got home with plenty of time to get dinner in the crock pot for tonight and make some lunch.

Mike took some time off work so he could run me to the hospital, and we arrived there a few minutes early. I got checked in and the receptionist took me back to the changing room. As I was changing into the hospital gown I was also talking to God, and this verse popped into my head:

"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." Psalm 16:5-6

Now, I have to pause here and say just how powerful the Word of God is. This is a verse that I never worked to memorize; I simply wrote it, along with a bunch of other verses, on some spiral-bound note cards that I've kept at home or work over the past 5+ years. When I need encouragement, I read through some of the cards. The fact that it popped into my head and I was able to recite it word for word is a testament to John 14:26, where Jesus tells us that the Holy Spirit will "remind you of everything I have said to you."

So, as an encouragement, even passive, quick, "I-just-need-a-boost-of-the-Word" reading of the Bible is powerful and effective!

Anyway, I wondered why the Holy Spirit would choose to give me this particular verse. I meditated on this as I sat in the waiting room, and kept rolling the verse around in my head.

Then, it struck me that I have a delightful inheritance. This is the third time this week that the word "inheritance" has been significant. I mentioned in this post that I have an incredible inheritance of faith. My dad called last night and said that I should read Psalm 61, which also mentions an "inheritance of those who fear [the Lord's] name."

I began to think about the concept of an inheritance, and why was the Holy Spirit highlighting this?

That's when it hit me. The reason I went for a biopsy today was because of my family history. Because there is a question of what I may have inherited, genetically speaking.

Doctors tell you the facts; but God tells you the truth. And the truth he was communicating to me today is that I have a delightful inheritance. Not an inheritance of sickness and death.

Right after I had this revelation was when the nurse appeared and called my name. Sure, I was nervous about the procedure, not knowing exactly what it would feel like and whether or not it would be painful, but I also went into it with complete peace.

The doctor and the two nurses who did the procedure were awesome. We spent the entire time chatting, which made the whole thing go by quickly. And, really and truly, it wasn't all that bad. They all commented that I had a great attitude about everything, which I know is about 90% of the battle. I also know that my good attitude had a lot to do with all of the prayers being lifted up for me - I am so grateful to everyone for your prayers!

Mike and I walked out of the hospital at 1:00, so the entire thing only took about 30 minutes. I am at home now, enjoying a rare afternoon all by myself! I am starting to feel some pain, but still, it's not bad.

When I got online to write this post, I looked up Psalm 16. I was amazed to read the rest of the verses, and am once again encouraged.

1 Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge. 2 I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." 3 As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight. 4 The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods. I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips. 5 Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. 6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. 7 I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.

8 I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. 9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, 10 because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. 11 You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Isn't God good? Another awesome thing is that prior to Christmas, I asked Sara to put a Bible verse onto a picture of Kaitlyn. When I looked at this particular picture it reminded me of carefree, unbridled joy, so I wanted a verse about joy. You know what verse I picked? Psalm 16:11. Amazing.


I should know the results of the biopsy by Tuesday, and believe me, I'll keep you posted!

Unconventional Christmas

My sister has been scheduled for surgery on Tuesday, and will probably be in the hospital until Christmas Day.

She is actually relieved about this - she wanted to have the surgery before the end of the year, for a variety of reasons. (See her blog post about it here.)

Thankfully, this will not alter our plans for Christmas. It is our year to be with Mike's family on Christmas, so my family had already planned to delay our celebration until New Year's Day.

This all seems a little surreal... While we join the world around us in the hustle and bustle of last-minute Christmas preparations, we are also preparing for a surgery. My week will include wrapping presents, packing to go out of town, and visitng my sister in the hospital. Honestly, that just feels a little wierd.

One good thing about this week is that I only have to work on Monday. Woohoo! The college's offices are shut down from Christmas Eve through New Year's Day, and because of the surgery I am also taking Tuesday off so my nephew and niece can come to my house for the morning. So, I officially have one day left before Christmas break, and then I will have almost two full weeks off. Nice.

It will be great to have a break from work, but more importantly, it will be great to have time to spend with my family. My other sister, Andrea, is flying in on Tuesday evening from California. What a blessing that we will all be together, and that God arranged for us to be available to help as needed.

And, as awful as it is to have to go through this, I have two friends who are dealing with things that are just as (or more) awful. Despite my family's circumstances, we feel very blessed.

This Christmas will be incredibly bittersweet - looking back to last Christmas, we never would have guessed all of the struggles this year would bring. But we've also been reminded of what's truly important and have drawn closer as a family.

I intend to have a few more posts up this week, but I'm not sure if that will happen. If not, I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!

Another unexpected bump in the road

My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer on Friday.

I was shocked when she called me at work to give me the news. I knew she had a biopsy earlier in the week, and I knew she would get the results on Friday. I felt sure it would be a good report. Surely the doctor just wanted to be extra cautious because of our mom's history; surely it would turn out benign.

But it wasn't.

The news hit me hard. When my mom was diagnosed this summer, I had so much other stuff going on. My mind was full with the details of a new job, moving, and increased busyness for Mike at his job. I didn't have time to stop and let it sink in.

All of those pent up emotions, along with the emotion of the new diagnosis, came rushing out on Friday after I talked to Monica.

I'm so blessed to work in a Christian environment. Jaimee (my boss) took time to listen to me blabber on for a while, then prayed with me. I emailed two of my dear friends on campus (I work at a college) to tell them, and they surprised me by making the trek all the way down to my office to give me a hug and pray for me.

I had a little meltdown when I picked Kaitlyn up at the sitter's house. She was being so very, terribly two (Kaitlyn, not the sitter, in case you were confused) and I was at a complete loss for how to respond. She was pushing limits she's never pushed while at Meagan's house (at least while I'm there) and I just stood there thinking, I know I should do something, but I just don't have a clue how to wear the mom hat right now.

So, I burst into tears.

But then things got a little better. By the time we got home, Kaitlyn was asleep. I sat on the couch and held her, and it gave me a much needed quiet moment for myself. Mike stopped and picked up Chinese take-out for dinner. Yum!

I also got to talk with Monica and get the details of her late afternoon doctor's appointment. Her treatment options sound very good. She caught it early, and the doctor expects that she will beat this and have a long life ahead of her.

The doctors handling her treatment are the same doctors who have handled my mom's treatment, which is a blessing. They are wonderful doctors and Monica has already talked with them several times regarding my mom, so she already knows them, is comfortable with them, and knows that she is in good hands.

She will have surgery before Christmas to have the tumor removed, and then she will have chemo and possibly radiation.

She has a very positive outlook about the whole thing - in fact, she is going to blog about her journey. You can read her thoughts here.

Please keep us all in your prayers. I have a lot more in my heart that I want to share, but right now I feel at loss for how to share it.

I'll close with a song that we sang today at church - it hit me in a whole new way.

The Joseph Anointing, and the crazy God that I serve

Last week a co-worker forwarded an email to me. It was a spiritual perspective on the current state of the economy, and there were several prayer points it mentioned. One of them was to pray for a "Joseph Anointing" to be on business leaders and owners within the church.

If you don't know the story of Joseph, it can be found starting in Genesis 37. (The musical "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" is based on this Bible story, if that helps you get a frame of reference.)

Praying for a Joseph Anointing simply means praying for God to bless someone with the same characteristics and attributes that he gave to Joseph - wisdom, supernatural insight, administration, leadership, the ability to navigate an entire region (or business) through tough times, etc.

Ever since I got that email, I had been praying this over my husband, his boss, and their entire company.

It's been a really rough couple of weeks for them, so when I say that I've been praying, I mean that I've been praying BIG TIME! Mostly in the car, on my way to and from work. (Kaitlyn joins in sometimes.)

I often wonder if people think I'm crazy.

Maybe they think I'm arguing, or preaching, to someone on a cell phone.

Anyway.

When Mike called yesterday to tell me about the extent of the fire, you better believe that I started praying. As I prayed, God brought to my mind, once again, the story of Joseph.

One thing that has always made an impression on me is that from the time Joseph was 17 (Genesis 37:2) until he was 30 (Genesis 41:46) bad things kept happening to him. Just when he thought he had recovered from the last bad thing and life was starting to look up for him, a new (and worse) disaster would happen.

(Does this sound familiar?)

The last "disaster" occurred when Joseph was falsely accused of sexually harassing his boss's wife and he was thrown in jail. Even in jail, Joseph made a name for himself because of the administrative and leadership qualities he possessed, and most importantly, because of the blessing God had placed on him, as Genesis 39 mentions:

20 Joseph's master took him and put him in prison, the place where the king's prisoners were confined. But while Joseph was there in the prison, 21 the Lord was with him; he showed him kindness and granted him favor in the eyes of the prison warden. 22 So the warden put Joseph in charge of all those held in the prison, and he was made responsible for all that was done there. 23 The warden paid no attention to anything under Joseph's care, because the Lord was with Joseph and gave him success in whatever he did.

Joseph sat in jail for several years and he probably spent much of that time wondering if he would ever get out. He had started out with such big dreams - was this really the destiny God had for him? To sit in jail?

This is where we get to the good part. What looked like a disaster was actually God positioning Joseph for the really big thing.

Joseph would have never made the proper connections had he not been in that prison cell. (Genesis 40 and 41 will give you all the details.) He went on to become the second in command under Pharaoh, and he saved an entire region from the effects of a huge famine.

Isn't it just like God to do something like this? To arrange things so that, just when you think everything is coming crashing down and it must be the end, it's really the beginning?

These are all of the thoughts that came flashing through my mind yesterday, as I prayed for Mike's company. I had a surge of excitement - what if this fire is God's way of bringing something BIGGER and BETTER?

Is it really crazy of me to be excited that a fire destroyed the building?

I'm thinking it is crazy.

But it's just like God to do something crazy and unexpected.

I don't know what His plan is, or how it will all play out, but I really and truly believe that He has something up his sleeve. No matter what happens, I rest assured that He is faithful and will continue to provide all we need.

I will close here with my favorite Bible verse, found in Isaiah 42:16:

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.

Lessons learned from a frog

Yesterday morning we walked into the garage, like we always do when we get ready to go, and Mike took Kaitlyn around to her side of the car to strap her in her car seat.

I was getting into the car when I heard him say, "Oh! Look at that! There's a frog over here!" The frog was several feet away.

As Mike and Kaitlyn were looking at it, the frog hopped to the side a little and Kaitlyn let out a blood-curdling SCREAM.

She absolutely FREAKED! OUT!

We tried to reassure her that, 1) the frog wasn't going to hurt her; and 2) if the frog came anywhere close to her, she was in Daddy's arms and he would take care of her.

Our reassurances didn't do much to calm her, and she continued to freak out until we drove out of the garage. She talked about the frog the whole way (30 minutes) to Meagan's house.

As we drove, it struck me that Kaitlyn was only looking at the frog in relation to herself. She didn't see the frog in relation to her Daddy, or in relation to the fact that she was being held (and protected) by her Daddy.

And then it struck me that I often do the same thing when faced with "frogs" in my own life. I look at the circumstance in relation to ME, instead of seeing it from the perspective of my Heavenly Father.

When I look at various situations, all I can see is an icky, slimy frog who might pounce on me at any moment. The only thing I think about is what will *I* do if it jumps at me? What if it lands on my foot? What would I do? What if it knocks me over and starts hopping all over me??? What if it gets slime on me and I can't wash it off and then I'll be late for work and then I might get fired and then we might lose our house and then what would we do?

OH MY WORD THIS IS A HORRIBLE SITUATION AND WHAT AM I GOING TO DO????

[said in the whiniest and most panicked voice ever]

Yeah, so that's a little silly, but don't we sometimes get outrageous in our "what if" questions, when we let fear take over? I know I do.

These are the times when God (who is holding me in his arms) says, "Um, Erin, it's a frog. I'm bigger than it. Remember?"

The whole frog scenario was a great reminder to me, that I need to keep my eyes on Jesus. We have a few frogs in our garage (metaphorically speaking) at the moment, but I won't worry about them because God is so much bigger.

Ok, my flesh might take over now and then and I'll worry just a teensy bit.

But the Holy Spirit will gently remind me to put things in perspective. Instead of magnifying the problem (which leads to worry) I need to magnify the Lord (which leads to faith).

"O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together." Psalm 34:3

Random thoughts, in list form

1. I love Aldi's. I've heard from several people (including BooMama) that shredded cheese is up to $4-5 for a two-cup bag. Yikes! I went to Aldi's today and their shredded cheese is $2.99 for a three-cup bag. Yay for Aldi's!!
   
   Other things worth mentioning - their milk is $2.29/gallon, and their generic cereal (which, in my opinion, is just as good as name brand) is $1.89 for a 14.5oz box of the generic honey combs. If you've never shopped at Aldi's but have one in your area, you really should check it out. (Just be sure to take a quarter for a shopping cart, and realize that you'll bag your own groceries and will either need to buy bags or take your own.)
   



2. I realized today that my life has been taken over by little girl's hair thingies. You know, hair clips, hair bands, barrettes, etc. I find them in the car, in my purse, in my pockets, and all over the house. This realization made me feel simultaneously content and old. (Odd, I know.) Content because it makes me feel so mom-like. And old because, well, it makes me feel so mom-like. Oh the irony!



3. Confession: I made chocolate chip cookies this weekend and I think I ate an entire dozen (or two) all by myself. I felt blah all day yesterday.



4. Do you know how nice it was to take all of the dishes I dirtied while making cookies and plop them into the dishwasher? I love it! I feel like a whole new woman in the kitchen. (Does that make me sound like an infomercial?) If only it would also wash away the calories. **sigh**
   



5. Do you also know how nice it was to pull into an attached garage yesterday after church, during the Ike monsoon? At our old house we would have had to concoct a strategy for getting everything and everyone from the car to the house, and it would have involved some form of running or dashing or, at the very least, speed walking. Maybe a hop and skip in there as well. Between the dishwasher and the garage, I feel like I'm living in the lap of luxury.



6. Regarding this lap of luxury, something I realized a few weeks ago is that I would not appreciate the luxuries of my new house if I hadn't experienced the frustrations of my old house. Having to live for a time without certain things makes us appreciate those things even more, once we do have them. This is a good reminder for me, and also a good truth to remember as I parent.
   
   Sometimes being a good parent means saying no, even when it is within my power to say yes.



7. It is shocking to look at Kaitlyn and love her so much, and realize that sometimes being a good parent means saying no, even when it is within my power to say yes, and wonder how often God feels that way about me.
   



8. Kaitlyn had her two-year check up last Friday. It was an eventful visit to the doctor because she was SO! LOUD! in the waiting room. By the time we were called back, everyone in the waiting room knew that the fish tank had blue fish, and that the batteries in the toys were dead. For fifteen minutes that's all she talked about - over and over and over and over again.
   
   Hopefully everyone in the room either understands what it's like to have a two-year-old, or they went home with a new-found appreciation that they don't have a two-year-old.



9. Kaitlyn is 36" tall and weighs 23 lbs, 2 oz. She is in the 95th percentile for her height, and the 50th percentile for weight. And yet, she is still in 18-month pants. (And 2T or 3T shirts.) Crazy.



10. Our cat, Emmy, has formed this strange love/hate relationship with Kaitlyn. She'll saunter over to where Kaitlyn is playing, and pretty much beg for Kaitlyn's attention. Then she complains and looks tortured the whole time that Kaitlyn pets her, but she won't go away. Weird.

New every morning

I woke up this morning with this song in my head:

The steadfast love of the Lord never changes
His mercies never come to an end
They are new every morning
New every morning
Great is Thy faithfulness, O Lord
Great is Thy faithfulness

I haven't sung this song since elementary school, but it was a perfect start to my day. I looked up the passage in the Bible that this song comes from, which is in Lamentations.

I don't know about you, but Lamentations is not a book of the Bible that I read on a frequent basis. So I was surprised at how much I could relate to the third chapter, which is where the words to this song are found.

The first half of chapter three is very bleak. This half of the chapter ends with Jeremiah saying, "My soul has been rejected from peace; I have forgotten happiness. So I say, 'My strength has perished, and so has my hope from the Lord.'" (verses 17-18)

Yikes. Those are some strong words.

Jeremiah (at least I'm assuming this is Jeremiah, because the title of this chapter is "Jeremiah Shares Israel's Affliction") must have walked away for a little bit, gathered a new perspective, and then come back to pen the second half of the chapter, because it has a whole different tone and is titled "Hope of Relief in God's Mercy."

Starting in verse 21, he says, "This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord's lovingkindnesses never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'Therefore I have hope in Him.' The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him."

It is comforting to see such despair in the Bible, because it reminds me that it's ok to be mad at God. It's ok to be down sometimes. It's ok to have a nervous breakdown and yell at God for a little bit.

(But it does give you a sore throat the next day. Just FYI.)

It is even more comforting to see the words of despair, expressed in the midst of raw human emotion, followed up by words of encouragement.

And don't you just love word "lovingkindnesses"? It's a tongue-twister, but it just sounds so, um, loving. And kind. Like God is going to shower me with hugs and chocolate (without the calories, of course) and bubble baths and all kinds of fun stuff.

(Do I sound like I've just stepped out a CareBear's movie or something??)

Anyway, I still don't know how everything will turn out, but I do know it is in God's hands. The latest word on our house is that we might not be able to close on it this week, which would just plain STINK, but I have to trust that if the closing is delayed, there is some reason why we aren't supposed to move this weekend.

A good thing about today is that my laundry is done. We all have clean clothes and clean underwear, and hopefully the next round of laundry will be done in my new house.

Where I'll also have a dishwasher.

(Have I mentioned how excited I am about that?)

I'll also have an attached garage.

And central air.

And my own master bathroom.

And a much bigger pantry.

And an ice maker in my fridge, with an ice and water dispenser in the door.

Yeah, everything will turn out just fine, and three months from now I'll look back and think, "What was I so worried about?"

Ok, I might not say that, but I do know that I will look back and say, "God has been faithful to me!"

I yelled at God today

Yes ma'am, I did. I really let him have it.

Thankfully, he's big enough to take it.

It all started this morning. I got up feeling ok, but then I started thinking about everything that needs to be done. The more I thought, the more I got stressed out. And then, it happened.

I suddenly found myself in a crumpled heap on the bathroom floor, sobbing. Wailing. Hyperventilating. Wondering if this is what it feels like to have a nervous breakdown.

I could hear Kaitlyn at the bottom of the stairs, expressing her concern because mommy was crying.

I wanted to stop crying so she wouldn't be worried. And, of course, that just made me cry even more.

Part of me felt so silly, and so out of control. But I knew it was time to let it all come out.

All of the stress of the past two months. All the stress that comes with selling a house, and buying a house, and trying not to worry too much about everything coming together for the closing.

All the stress that comes with packing up a house to move.

All the stress that comes with starting a new job.

All the stress that comes with a trip to visit family for five days, and being in the car with a two-year-old, and trying to make it without much sleep because the two-year-old is out of her element and not sleeping well.

And the stress of returning home, only to have my husband leave two days later for a three day business trip to Colorado.

And, to top it all off, my mom being diagnosed with cancer. Yeah, that's something I haven't had a chance to write about. Her prognosis is very good, and we are optimistic that she will have a full recovery. But still, the whole thing stinks.

**sigh**

When I finally dropped Kaitlyn off at the sitter's house this morning, I got back in the car and found myself crying again. And then, I was yelling. Before I knew what hit me, I was YELLING at God.

It was a lot like Kaitlyn at Mike's cousin's wedding. By the time we got to the reception, she was tired and cranky. She was out of her element. She was tired of having to put up with strange people, and tired of so many people wanting her attention and/or telling her what to do.

And she threw a temper tantrum.

I felt so bad for her. I wished I could swoop down and make it all better for her.

I don't know why I'm walking through all of this right now. I don't know why God has chosen to allow all of these things to come on me at one time. (Believe me, I did ask him about that today.) :-)

I do know that in the midst of my emotion, the one thing that kept coming out of my mouth was, "Jesus - help me! I'm so desperate for you!"

It's been a long time since I've felt that way; knowing that I am at the end of being able to help myself, and knowing that the only way I can possibly make it through is to cling desperately to God.

I don't really know how to wrap this post up. I feel like I am being such a downer, but I also feel compelled to write out what I'm going through right now.

The bottom line is that I will continue to trust God. My God is the same one who parted the Red Sea. He is the same God who shut the mouths of the lions and spared Daniel's life. He is the same God who gave Esther courage to save her people. He is the same God who asked Abraham to trust him, over and over again, without knowing how things would turn out.

Yeah, that's my God.

And I'll continue to trust him.

The good thing about today's little outburst is it made me realize that something had to give. I talked to my boss and she encouraged me to take as much time off of work as I need to.

Praise the Lord for an understanding boss!!

I took the afternoon off of work and was able to get several things accomplished. My sister, Monica, came over for the second night in a row and helped me knock out a bunch of packing. She helped me tackle the areas that I was really dreading, and has been such an incredible blessing to me.

And she dug her wardrobe boxes out of storage so I can use them. Yaaaaaaay!!!!!

I'm going to take my time getting to work tomorrow. I doubt that Kaitlyn will let me sleep in, but at least I can take some time to enjoy my coffee and not worry about being to work right at 8am. :-)

And, I promise that my next post will be a little more uplifting. If you are going through a rough time right now, be encouraged by one of my favorite Bible verses:

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known; along unfamiliar paths
I will guide them. I will turn the darkness into light before them, and
make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not
forsake them."

~Isaiah 42:16

God's Plan A (also known as my plan b)

A while back I wrote about building an altar to commemorate an important spiritual milestone. You know, those times when God shows up really big in your life, or those times when you reach a new level, or those times when you have a huge revelation that completely transforms the way you look at things.

I have a "faith altar" experience that happened over a series of years during and after college. I'll try to give you the Reader's Digest version...

When I went off to college, my goal was to work in the Christian music industry. (And that is a whole other story for another time!) The college I went to hosted a Christian music festival every year, and it was completely student run. I arrived on campus thinking, "Wouldn't it be incredible if I could be the director of the festival my senior year?"

I applied to be a part of the staff. I was not selected.

I was very disappointed, but I thought, hey, I'm just a freshman. I'll focus on getting involved in other areas on campus and then I'll apply again next year.

My sophomore year I had high hopes. I knew several of the people who were key decision makers. I had established a reputation for being a dependable worker. I was certain that this would be my year.

And then, it wasn't my year.

I vividly remember going to my mailbox, knowing that other students had already received their acceptance or rejection letter. I nervously opened it and then stared in disbelief. I had been rejected. Again.

I was bitterly disappointed and headed off to my room to have a good cry. Along the way I saw other students excitedly telling their friends that they had been chosen. "Why them and not me?" is what I angrily asked God.

After crying it out I decided that I would move on. If that wasn't God's plan for me, then I would focus my energy on other opportunities that came my way. But believe me, I was still bitter about the whole situation.

Later in the year, I was talking with my advisor and she noted that I had enough credits to graduate a semester early. I thought about it and prayed about it, and decided that I would graduate early.

Fast forward to the end of my sophomore year, and through a series of events I ended up on the staff of the music festival. It was exactly where I had wanted to be in the first place, and I was absolutely in seventh heaven.

After the festival I was asked by the next year's director to take on an Executive Cabinet position. Of course I said "YES!" I was even more in seventh heaven.

The next year (my junior year, for those of you keeping score at home) the director approached me and asked if I would be interested in being the director my senior year.

I said, "I would love nothing more, but I've already decided to graduate a semester early." I had already planned my finances based on not being there for second semester and there was no way I could come up with the money to stay around.

I was disappointed to turn down the very position I had coveted before even coming to college.

BUT... it made me wonder what God was up to. If I had been on the festival's staff from the very beginning, I never would have decided to graduate early. I wondered what God might have up his sleeve.

I finished my coursework in January of 2000 and soon after I moved to Nashville. I ended up going to a temp agency, who sent me off to my very first assignment... in the office of the Billy Graham Crusade that was set up in Nashville, just for that year.

It was perfect timing. If I had graduated in May and moved to Nashville in June, I would have completely missed the Crusade.

I spent three years working with the Crusades - I was a part of eight Crusades in eight different cities. (Nashville, Jacksonville, Louisville, Fresno, Cincinnati, Dallas/Ft. Worth, San Diego and Oklahoma City.) It was absolutely the most amazing experience of my life.

(Well, aside from being a wife and a mom, of course.)

I look back at the sophomore college student who was so disappointed at not being accepted. I couldn't understand why the door would be shut in my face, when everything had indicated that I was "in". I couldn't understand why other students, who didn't care as much as I did, would be chosen and I would be left by the wayside.

I couldn't understand why my Plan A had failed. I didn't want Plan B.

Now I know that God's Plan A was so much better. He was already down the road, arranging things so that I could take advantage of a really exciting opportunity.

But in order for his Plan A to work out, he had to shut the door on my plan.

He knew it would hurt. He knew I would be disappointed. I envision him watching me and saying, "Hang on Erin! Just hang on, and trust in me, because I have something even better to give you."

Whenever a door closes on my Plan A, I remember this experience. I remember to hang on, and trust that God has something else in mind. I might not understand it for a very long time - heck, I might not understand it until I get to heaven - but I can still trust that my Heavenly Father has my best interests at heart.

We put an offer on a house on Monday night, and found out yesterday that someone else made a better offer. So, we didn't get the house.

The worst part of it is switching mental gears again. I went from thinking that the search could be over, and was mentally settling into this house. Where would I put the furniture? What work would we need to do on it? What colors would I paint the walls? Now I have to switch back to the mode of evaluating potential homes.

Even though I'm not looking forward to gearing up for round two of the house search, I'm at peace, knowing that God has it all under control. I trust that he shut the door on this house because he knew it wouldn't be right for us. I also trust that he has the perfect house for us, and he will reveal it to us at just the right time.

Has a door been shut on your Plan A? If so, be encouraged.

Isaiah 55:8-9

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD.
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts."

SneakerBalls [Alternate Title: God's surprising form of manna]

Last week I wrote about manna, and the sometimes surprising adventure of trusting God to provide for our needs. I also wrote about winning a contest on one of our local TV stations.

This, my friends, is a follow-up to both of those posts.

My prizes came in the mail on Monday, and I'm sorry to say that I did not win any Cedar Point tickets. Bummer.

Mike had arrived home early on Monday so he called me at work to let me know my prize package had come, and opened it up while I was on the phone with him. His comment about not getting any Cedar Point tickets was, "Well, at least we got some SneakerBalls."

Excuse me?

Yes, dear friends, one of my prizes was this:

I had never heard of such a thing. And now I am the proud owner of a pair of peppermint scented SneakerBalls. You will be happy to know that my shoes will now smell of pepperminty freshness.

(I'm sure this knowledge will help you sleep a little better at night, as you were probably fretting and stewing over the condition of my shoes.)

In addition to the SneakerBalls, we received a t-shirt, some American Idol trinkets, several magnets, tickets to a baseball game (for our local minor league team), and about $50 in gift certificates. The gift certificates were the best part - there were about $25 worth of certificates to Taco Bell, KFC and McDonald's, and a $25 gift certificate for a local bison ranch.

Yep, you read that right. A company that raises bison (buffalo) and then sells the meat. We can use the gift certificate at their booth in the food court of the local farmer's market, or we can use it to buy some bison meat. We'll probably use it for a little of both. Bison is similar to beef, but is much lower in fat and calories. (Click here for more information.)

Last week I was a little miffed that my finances for the week did not go as planned, but as I wrote here, God reminded me that he's always provided for us. (In other words, "stop whining Erin!") :-)

A few days after that post, I remembered something Sara had written about, where you could get $25 for just signing up with a new online service. I decided to check it out, and guess what? I now have an extra $25 in my bank account. (Thanks, Sara!)

And then I won this silly contest on TV, and as a result, we have all of these coupons. In the past week I've received over $75 in free money/stuff. How's that for God's creative provision?

I also sat down last night to go over our finances and pay some bills, and things worked out differently than I thought they would. We somehow had a little extra, which allowed me to pay off the plumbing bill without dipping into our meager savings.

There have been many times in my life where I've wanted God to move in a big way. Sometimes he has, allowing me to see his awesome power and infinite creativity when it comes to arranging the details of my life. These big moves have often come unexpectedly, or they have come after being greatly disappointed because the big move didn't come when and how I wanted it to.

Most of the time, however, God moves in little ways. When he gave the Israelites manna in the wilderness, it wasn't necessarily a "WOW!" moment. The manna showed up in the morning, after the morning dew cleared away. It showed up over and over and over again, and after a while, I'm sure it was easy to take it for granted.

I can see how God's provision in my life is the same way. Paying the bills last night wasn't a huge "WOW!" moment, but it sure was a manna moment. A moment when God quietly stretched things a bit farther, and gave us a small, unexpected blessing.

Plus, I have peppermint SneakerBalls.

Who could ask for more?

Appreciating the manna days

Through a series of various events, our household budget has started to loosen up. Because I am the plan ahead type, I always have a strategy for how this extra money will be used.

This week I was excited because I didn't need to get a lot at the grocery store - I pretty much had everything on hand (aside from fresh fruits and veggies, and a few weekly staples) that I needed to make dinners for the week. I envisioned having over half of my grocery money left over, allowing us to put more money towards paying the plumbing bill. Or the dentist bill. Or renew our car registrations. Or buy a half gallon of gas, now that it's hit 3.95/gallon.

Why is it that these things all come at you at once? Sheesh!

Yesterday I went to Aldi's to finish up the grocery shopping. (By the way, I love Aldi's. I may have to devote a whole post to them sometime.) I ended up getting some extra items, and was shocked to discover that I had spent almost all of my grocery budget. How did that happen??

I was a little miffed. I was supposed to have a lot of extra money, and it seemed to vanish before my very eyes. Then I panicked a little. Not a full-blown panic because, thankfully, money isn't as tight for us right now as it has been in the past. I know that we will be ok.

But I did have a momentary freak out session because things weren't going like I had planned.

That's when God nudged me a little and reminded me that he has always provided for our needs. He also reminded me of several huge financial blessings he has given us this year.

I thought of the manna he gave the Israelites while they wandered in the desert. Every morning they woke up to manna (see Exodus 16 for the whole story) and they were instructed to only take as much as they needed for the day. Some people tried to take more, but when they woke up the next morning, the extra manna was rotten and had maggots.

God basically said, "Look - I brought you out of Egypt, out of slavery and oppression, I showed you my awesome power by bringing you through the Red Sea, I gave you this manna and told you that it will be available to you every day, and yet you doubt me so much that you try to hoard my provision?"

(FYI, in case you are thinking, "Wow - I wonder where that passage is," and you decided to try and find it in the Bible, it's a MAJOR paraphrase. It's part of what I would have said if I was God talking to the Israelites. But I'm not God, so this probably isn't quite accurate. In case you were wondering.)

God has always provided for me. As I pondered this, it struck me that I have never, not one time ever, had a day where I went hungry for lack of food. I have never wondered where my next meal would come from. I may have wondered where next week's, or next month's food would come from, but not one time have I ever opened the refrigerator or cupboard to find it empty.

I've also never been homeless. Or car-less. Sure, I've had my share of late payments, and my share of wondering how we would make our paychecks stretch for the month. But it's always worked out. God always gives us the manna we need, when we need it.

I find myself a little conflicted about our new financial position. We've paid off some things that, in the past, we wondered if we would ever see the light at the end of the tunnel. We're starting to build on our financial foundation in a way that we've never been able to in the past. In the not-too-distant future we will (hopefully) be faced with making choices about how to use our excess money wisely.

On one hand, I love this. We've worked hard to get to here.

On the other hand, I see how our financial situation at many times in the past has caused us to fall on our face before God in utter dependence of his provision. It allowed us to see him move in miraculous ways, providing financial blessings (both big and small) just when we needed them. Having only enough manna for the day made me continually turn to God with a heart that was thankful for that day's supply, and a heart that humbly asked for enough for the next day.

I wonder if having excess will cause me to become numb to the fact that I am dependent on God. I wonder if the ability to store up manna for tomorrow will send me down a path of thinking I am dependent on myself.

God eventually led the Israelites out of the manna phase, and allowed them settle in the land of milk and honey. He allowed them to prosper as a nation. I don't think he intends for any of us to always be on a manna diet, and I am certainly not saying that we shouldn't store away our surplus for the future. In fact, Proverbs 21:20 says, "In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil, but a foolish man devours all he has." But standing in this place where our financial "promised land" is actually visible on the horizon, where we have a surplus to store away, I find myself fearful of my human nature. I pray that the lessons learned in the desert will be remembered in the promised land.

If I was a character in the Old Testament, I suspect that this is where God would instruct me to stop and build an altar. A place to remember what he's done. A reminder for the future - something that says, "Hey, remember when we couldn't do this on our own? Remember how God did some miracles for us? Remember when we had to rely on the manna?"

In fact, God does this very thing when Joshua and the Israelites crossed the Jordan River, which marked their entry into the Promised Land:

Joshua 4
¹ When the whole nation had finished crossing the Jordan, the LORD said to Joshua, ² "Choose twelve men from among the people, one from each tribe, ³ and tell them to take up twelve stones from the middle of the Jordan from right where the priests stood and to carry them over with you and put them down at the place where you stay tonight."

...

²⁰ And Joshua set up at Gilgal the twelve stones they had taken out of the Jordan. ²¹ He said to the Israelites, "In the future when your descendants ask their fathers, 'What do these stones mean?' ²² tell them, 'Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground.' ²³ For the LORD your God dried up the Jordan before you until you had crossed over. The LORD your God did to the Jordan just what he had done to the Red Sea ^[b] when he dried it up before us until we had crossed over. ²⁴ He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the LORD is powerful and so that you might always fear the LORD your God."

Writing this post and researching these passages from the Bible have convinced me - I need to build an altar. Not necessarily out of stones, but I at least want to find something to place in my home that will serve as a reminder.

In the meantime, I will appreciate the manna days that remain.

And then God smacked me on the forehead (like on those V8 commercials)

Ok, so as you can probably imagine, God didn't really smack me on the forehead. But it sounded like a good way to describe it.

Are you confused? Sorry about that... Let me start over from the beginning.

On Tuesday night, Mike was leading some training at the church for the Love-in-Action children's outreach that he oversees. It was night 2 of 3 that he would be gone in the evening, due both to Love-in-Action and to the softball team he's helping to coach.

I was at home having a small pity party for myself.

I was annoyed at how his activities had affected me. Not that I was annoyed at him for being involved in these things - I was just annoyed at the busy-ness they had thrust upon our lives. It changes how I have to think about dinner plans, and grocery shopping plans, and my plan for what I will accomplish in the evening.

Me, me, MEEE!

I was sitting on the couch sulking when God did the equivalent of a mental smack-down. If this had been written in letter form, here is what it might have said:

Dear Erin,

For the past several months you have lamented over the fact that you aren't involved in a ministry of any sort, aside from volunteering once a month in the church nursery. I don't fault you for not being involved, because the first ministry I have called you to is taking care of your husband and daughter. I know you desire to give more, because you have told me this many times.

My dear child, do you not see the opportunity I have placed in front of your very eyes? Do you not see your part in making Love-in-Action possible? You are involved in the Love-in-Action outreach - if you weren't taking care of things here at home, Mike wouldn't be free to lead this program. And while we're at it, don't you see that Mike's involvement with the girls on the softball team is also an outreach - an opportunity for Mike to show them my love?

When you sit here and grumble and complain, and then greet Mike with this attitude when he walks through the door, don't you see the consequences of that?

Just something to think about.

Love,
God

Talk about an attitude adjustment! I realized how selfish I was being. I realized that God had given me a ministry (exactly what I've been asking for) and here I was, whining about it. Refusing to see it because my life has somehow become all about ME.

This reminds me of Colossians 3:12, which tells us to "...clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." When I put on my clothes in the morning, it is intentional. The clothes don't just fly out of my closet and attach themselves to my body - I must decide what to wear, and then I must physically put those clothes on.

My attitude is the same way. I must first decide what type of attitude I will wear. And then I must put that attitude on.

Mike was 30 minutes late in getting home on Tuesday night. Instead of thrusting Kaitlyn at him when he first walked through the door and acting huffy and annoyed because his lateness put a crimp in my plans, I put on at attitude of joy and offered to make him dinner. I asked how the training went, and was genuinely excited when he gave me all the details.

It's amazing what a difference your attitude can make.

Here and here are two more posts related to this topic. The first one influenced my "duh!" moment and the second one, which I read today, reinforced it.

Stuck on Step 4

In my previous post I mentioned that God has been doing some cool things for me lately, as far as helping me deal with some emotional clutter. I'm sure I'll allude to this a lot in the next couple of months because it such a big part of my thinking right now. I'm not sure how to summarize it all... The bottom line is that there were a few key areas of my life where Satan had taken various memories and experiences and relationships and he twisted them, and I was operating under a distorted view of reality. Which I think he does in everyone's life... He shoots some lies our way and we believe the lies. And then there are experiences that reinforce those lies, and eventually, brick by brick, they become strongholds that imprison us.

The first step in breaking free is the ability to see the prison. It reminds me of my communication classes with Prof Ross - how does a fish know what water is? It doesn't, until you take him out of it. You can't break free of a prison if you don't realize that you are in prison. Praise God for revealing all of this and for bringing it to my attention! There you have it - the first step.

The second step was to process this information. To soak it all in. I am a very introspective person, who also happens to spend an hour a day in the car by herself driving to and from work, so most of this drive time was consumed in thinking and processing and analyzing. Sort of like my own private therapy session. I came to realize just how many areas of my life had been affected by this tainted view of reality. Suddenly I had a whole new view of myself, and a new attitude towards a lot of things.

The third step was applying this new attitude to my actions. This was a lot like someone who has had terrible vision for years and now finally has glasses with the right prescription - they put the glasses on and think, "Ok, now I need to go back and take a new look at things and see what I've been missing." And maybe they would discover that for all these years they hadn't been reading the labels right on the spice jars, and no wonder those cookies never tasted good because they had put CUMIN in them instead of CINNAMON. Can you imagine how good those cookies would taste, now that they had all the information and could actually follow the recipe?

Alright, this is a rather silly analogy, but really, it's a good picture of what has happened in my house. Except that the thing I had hanging over my head wasn't a cookie recipe - it was my house, and my ability (or my perceived in-ability) to keep it picked up and clean and organized. Seeing things in a new light has given me the ability to find solutions that I never saw before, and suddenly what used to be terribly complicated is rather simple. And I can find joy in my house, where before I only found guilt.

So now, on to the fourth step. I have a new attitude, a new way of thinking, a new way of acting. And somehow I have to apply all of this newness to my relationships. Relationships that are years old and have settled into a pattern that everyone is used to following. A pattern that I am used to following. I feel like my Katie-bug, when she was learning to walk. For most of her life she was used to crawling - it was her pattern, her way of getting around. When she started taking steps she had to figure it out, which meant that she spent a lot of time falling on her tushie.

I hate falling on my tushie. Which, by the way, I literally fell on my tushie last week. Slipped on the ice on our steps. And now I have a lovely reddish/purplish bruise the size a baseball on said body part, which is outline in a nice yellowish/greenish glow. (I know you feel enlightened by that knowledge. I'm so happy I could share it with you!)

I write about all of this because I've been confronted with this fourth step several times this week. I find myself reacting differently to people, and having a host of conflicting feelings about various situations. If I fall into the same pattern and react the same as I always did, then what good was it for me to change internally? On the other hand, I don't want to lash out and go to the other extreme.

Or, in other words, I don't want to mess up. I don't want to fall on my tushie. I don't want to admit that maybe, just possibly, I am NOT perfect. (Sorry to burst your bubble.) I just want God to magically transport me into a new dimension where everyone has gotten to know the new Erin so I don't have to go through the work of figuring this out on my own.

Which brings me right back to the title of my blog. ::sigh:: It's not about the destination, it's about what I learn on the journey. Embrace each step. Even the steps where I slip and fall.

Bless you if you've made it this far! I'm not sure if it all makes sense, but I do know that writing it out has helped me to gain a new perspective. I think I'm going to like this blogging thing. :-)

Joy in the Journey

I chose this title for my blog because life can get so crazy sometimes, and in those times I find myself thinking "It will be so much easier when..." As in, when Katie-bug gets to the next stage. Or when we move to a bigger house. Or when Mike's job goes to the next level (and the next pay raise). Or when spring comes. Or whatever. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, right? And very often God has to remind me that it's not about the next thing - it's about where I am RIGHT NOW. What is he trying to teach me right now, as I am taking this step? And how do I embrace that?

Embracing the current step, however, isn't quite as easy as it sounds. Sometimes it means that I need an attitude adjustment. (I hate those!) Other times it means that God is trying to stretch me in a new way. And there are times when embracing the current step simply means that I need to stop and enjoy where I am and what I'm doing.

One current example of this is my house. A couple years before Mike and I met, he decided to purchase a house so he could stop being a renter and start building equity in something. He bought a nice little starter house which was perfect for him as a bachelor - two stories with an unfinished basement, two bedrooms, one bath, etc. But what was a great bachelor pad, and even a great place for us as newlyweds, is now cramped with a toddler running around.

One of the major problems with the house is that it doesn't have a lot of designated space for things. For example, our "linen closet" amounts to a tiny cupboard above the toilet that has enough room to store about three bath towels and a few washcloths, provided you fold them up just so and squish them in perfectly. (Brings back memories of playing Tetris.) On the other hand, we have three HUGE closets and a basement, which have become a vortex of stuff.

...pausing to look up vortex and make sure I used it correctly... yes, I did, I think...

Since I didn't have space in the "linen closet" for all of my towels, sheets, etc., the extras got thrown into one of the three HUGE closets. And the same thing happened for stuff all over the house - if I couldn't decide what to do with it, it got dumped in with everything else. And a big pile of "everything else" isn't easy to live with, or deal with.

The bottom line is that I have been frustrated with my house and it's lack of "space." (There are several other factors at work here, but they are topics for another time.) What I have come to realize in the past few weeks is that I need to embrace where I am at for right now. Sure, we have our house on the market and are hoping to move this spring, but I am sorely mistaken if I think that moving to a new house will suddenly make my clutter issues go away. Instead, I need to embrace where I am and learn to live in the house God has blessed me with.

And you know what? God has given me a whole different perspective on my house. And he has opened my eyes to help me deal with the clutter in a better way, and he's released me from some of my own emotional clutter that was tied to the physical clutter. I feel so different about where I am and I've even come to enjoy my little house.

Except for the bats.

But even the bats have provided for some interesting (and very humorous) memories. So I guess, to a point, I can even embrace the bats. Not literally, because that would be gross, and a bat is sort of hard to trap in one place long enough to kill embrace.

By the way, a racquetball racket comes in handy should you ever want to "embrace" a bat.

And if you ever move into a house where the former owner has left a racquetball racket sitting neatly by the front door with a bow tied around it, you might want to be suspicious of what other guests are inhabiting your house.

Not that we'd EVER think of doing something like that.