Reconsidering

I've never thought about getting an iPhone. I've never even considered it. But this post from Ryan at This is Reverb, sharing what might be the best app ever (especially for parents of young children,) has made me pause to reconsider.

Just what I needed

Cake Wrecks

If you've never visited this site, you must stop by sometime soon. Tonight I went all the way back to the beginning posts and I laughed so hard I thought I might fall off the couch. For me, the funniest ones are the misspelled cakes, incorrectly punctuated cakes, and cakes where the the decorator took the instructions a bit too literally.

I hope you "enjoy" looking at the cake wrecks as much I do.

Where does she come up with this stuff?

This morning I was going through the normal routine of getting ready for work, and was in the bathroom drying my hair. I had just finished and turned off the hairdryer, when I looked down and noticed Kaitlyn standing in the doorway. Here is our conversation:

Me: Hi! What's goin' on?

K: I love you mommy.

Me: Awwww... I love you too honey!

Me: Can I have a kiss?

K: [in a pitifully sad voice] No.

[turns her back to me]

Me: Honey, what's the matter? Are you ok?

K: No. I'm sad. [still in the pitiful voice]

Me: [thinking something might really be wrong] What happened? Why are you sad?

K: [mumbles something I can't understand]

Me: What did you say? Why are you sad? [starting to worry about whatever has happened to made her sad]

K: [the pitiful voice is still in effect here] Because I lost my mommy.

Me: What? Because you lost your mommy???

K: Yes.

This is when I busted up laughing! She turned around and gave me a sly little look, like she was enjoying her little joke. She started laughing, and it turned it a really silly moment. Where does she come up with this? Especially since Mike and I, and our collective families, aren't silly at all. Not one bit.

Ahem.

Also, I'm sure the Oscar people will be calling me at any moment to say that her performance this morning has earned her an unprecedented last-minute nomination. (Look out Angelina and Meryl!)

Poor Man's Steak, and how I almost poisoned my entire family

As promised, below is the recipe for Poor Man's Steak that I mentioned earlier this week. It is from the Fix It and Forget It Cookbook, which is full of wonderful recipes for the slow cooker.

This particular recipe only needs to cook for 2-3 hours on low, so it is perfect to throw in the crock pot on a Sunday morning before church.

It's also perfect for Saturday night guests, like we'll be having this weekend. I can mix it up a couple of days before, put it in the crock pot on Saturday afternoon, and know that I don't have to worry about my main course.

(Worrying about the bathrooms being clean and whether or not I've removed the layer of dust on my furniture, well, that's a different story.)

I do have three words of caution about the recipe.

First, it needs to be refrigerated for at least eight hours, so you need to plan ahead.

Second, don't accidentally mix the cream of mushroom soup and water in with the meat mixture. Yeah, I did this once (thankfully it wasn't for company) and I ended up with this mushy concoction that I had to finish baking in the oven. I baked it for 2+ extra hours because it was so mushy that I couldn't tell if it was done.

Third, use caution if you make this with lean ground turkey. The problem with this is that mixing lean ground turkey with the other ingredients and then dousing it in cream of mushroom soup makes it difficult to tell if it's completely done.

Plus, the time I made it with turkey, I must have done something extra to mess it up although I'm not sure what that was. All I know is that I pulled it out and thought it was done.

But it wasn't.

Unfortunately, I served this to my family.

It was quite comical. Eight of us were crammed into our small dining room - I think whoever sat at the end of the table was actually in the living room. After everyone got their serving, I noticed that they were looking intently at the meat and were sort of pushing it around on their plates.

I realized, with horror, that the meat was not completely cooked. I had almost inadvertently poisoned my entire family.

We didn't have a lot of room in our kitchen, so our microwave cart was out in the dining room. For the next ten or fifteen minutes the whole family passed their plates, one by one, around to me so I could pop them in the microwave and finish cooking the turkey.

I can just imagine, years from now, sitting around the Christmas tree with my family and recalling those treasured family memories.

"Do you remember the time Aunt Erin tried to poison us?"

"Yeah."

"Those were good times."

It makes me feel a little like Aunt Abby and Aunt Martha from Arsenic and Old Lace.

Anyway, here is the recipe. Please don't use it to poison anyone.

Poor Man's Steak
1.5 lbs ground beef
1 cup milk
1/4 tsp. pepper
1 tsp. salt
1 small onion, finely chopped
1 cup cracker crumbs
1 tsp. brown sugar
10 3/4 oz. can cream of mushroom soup
1 soup can water

1. Mix together all ingredients except soup and water. Shape into narrow loaf. Refrigerate for at least 8 hours.

2. Slice and fry until brown in skillet.

3. Mix soup and water together until smooth. Spread diluted soup on each piece. Place slices into cooker. Pour any remaining soup over slice in cooker.

4. Cover. Cook on low 2-3 hours.

Videos for which there are no words

Well, there probably are words.

Like, please don't do this at your church, or on your Christian TV show.

The first video was found through a friend on Facebook. (Thanks Tal!) The second was found via the blog of a guy that went to middle school with my sisters.

Well, technically, I also went to school with him since we attend the same small Christian school. But I was in kindergarten and he was probably in the seventh or eighth grade, so I think you can understand why we didn't hang out much.

Anyway... I found Matt's blog about a week ago - just in time to see him post this jewel.

On this first video, you have to hang in until at least the two minute mark to see the guy do some really bad dancing.

(I promise that the dancing at the two minute mark is worse than the dancing at the beginning. Oh yes ma'am, it certainly is. You may doubt that it could get any worse, but I'm here to tell you that unfortunately, it really does.)

Panic

Yesterday I went shopping because several stores are having some incredible sales. I was determined to go in with an open mind and try on lots of different types of shirts, having been inspired by two or three (or twenty) episodes of What Not to Wear.

So I'm in the dressing room with my open mind and about fifty shirts.

Ok, not fifty, but it felt like fifty.

I tried on the very first one. It was super cute, but it made me look pregnant so I instantly decided that it was out of the running. I started to take it off, and that's when I panicked.

Have you ever tried something on, only to realize that you're not quite sure how you will get it off?

This shirt had some banding around the arms that was rather tight, and not one bit stretchy. It wouldn't budge.

And there I was, all by myself. How would I get the shirt off? Would it involved ripping? Cutting? The jaws of life?

I thought about getting some lotion out of my purse to lube my arms up. And then I remembered this episode of Friends and decided not to go that route. (Please enjoy the subtitles.)

I'm not sure how I eventually got it off, but I did, and it did not result in any cutting or ripping.

And I did end up with two shirts that are nothing like any of the other shirts hanging in my closet. So, in the end, mission accomplished!

And then Mr. & Mrs. Jiggles lived happily ever after

Last night Mike and I had quite a conversation about movies. Here is how it all went down:

We were lounging on the couch watching TV. It was late, and I had been tired all evening, so my brain was functioning in that weird zone where everything is funnier and more distorted than normal. One of us (I don't remember who) mentioned that it had been a while since we've been on a date night, and we need to plan one for the near future.

This always leads to discussing what movies are playing, and which ones we might want to see.

This is when a commercial for the "27 Dresses" DVD came on.

Me: Did we go see that together?
Mike: No.
Me: Really? I know I saw it with someone. It was a great movie.
Mike: Yeah, I'm sure it's great. Just like "Music and Lyrics" was a great movie. [insert sarcasm]
Me: Come on! It wasn't that bad.
Mike: I would have fallen asleep if it hadn't been for cologne man.

When we go to the movies we seem to be magnets for people with boundary issues. At "Music and Lyrics" our original seating arrangement was this:

Aisle, Seat 1, Seat 2, Mike, Erin, the rest of the empty row.

Right before the movie started an older woman came and sat in Seat 1. About 2/3 of the way through the movie, cologne man entered the theater (which was probably less than 1/2 full), approached our row, climbed over the lady in Seat 1, and sat down in Seat 2. The first problem was he was wearing way too much cologne. (Hence, his nickname.) The second problem was he was clearly violating a major rule of the Man Code - the one about leaving a seat between yourself and any other man in the theater. Especially a stranger.

I thought maybe he knew the lady in Seat 1, and was late in meeting her at the movie. But about five minutes before the movie ended, cologne man got up and left. He never said a word to the lady in Seat 1, so obviously they had no connection.

I have so many questions about this - why would you enter a movie that was 2/3 over, and then choose a seat where you would be sandwiched between two strangers? And then leave before the end of the movie? Weird.

So Mike and I reminisced about cologne man, and Mike continued to express what a horrible movie experience it was.

Mike: You owe me for that one.
Me: What do you mean, "I owe you"?
Mike: I mean, I should get to pick a movie that I want to see but you don't.
Me: There is one major problem with this plan: I actually like all of the movies you like.

Mike thought about this for a moment, and realized (of course) that I was right. I like action movies, murder mysteries, superhero movies, science fiction movies, comedies, etc. (I will even happily watch MythBusters, Dirty Jobs, and The Deadliest Catch with him. And I like football.) This put quite a damper on his evil plan.

Mike: Ok, what about horror movies?
Me: Do you really want to watch horror movies?
Mike: Maybe.
Me: You know they give me nightmares. Do you want me to have nightmares? Is that what you want for your wife?
Mike: But I'm right there in the bed with you, to comfort you if you have one.

(pause, while I give him a wifely look)

Mike: Ok, fine. No horror movies.
Me: You have to admit, I don't make you watch chick flicks all that often. I could make you watch the five-hour version of "Pride and Prejudice."
Mike: Hey - I already watched that with you!
Me: Nuh-uh.
Mike: Yes! Yes I did! I sat through that whole thing!
Me: When??
Mike: Before we were married. We watched it at your parent's house.
Me: I don't remember that. I don't know if I believe you. Tell me what it's about.
Mike: Well, I know it has that one guy in it. What was his name? Mr. something. Mr. ... Mr. ... Mr. Jiggles. Or something like that.

This is when I lost it. I absolutely positively lost it. I almost choked because of the amount of laughter trying to escape my body all at one time.

Me: [laughing hysterically, gasping for air]
Mike: Isn't that his name? It was something weird like that.
Me: [through my gasping, coughing, laughing fit] Mister. [gasp] Jiggles. [cough] Haaaaaaahahahaha!

I was trying to imagine a Jane Austin character named Mr. Jiggles. The only thing that came to mind was some sort of SNL skit starring Will Ferrell as Mr. Jiggles.

Mike: [looking perplexed] Well, what was his name?
Me: It [cough] was [gasp], Mr. [more gasping] ... Mr. Jiggles! Ha! Where did you get Mr. Jiggles???
Mike: [getting annoyed] WHAT was his name? You know, the one the girls wanted to marry.
Me: Are you thinking of Mr. Bingley?
Mike: Mr. WHO? Bingley? You're telling me that is better than Mr. Jiggles?
Me: [still laughing/gasping/coughing] Or were you thinking of Mr. Darcy?
Mike: Mr. Darcy! Yes!
Me: How did you go from Darcy to Jiggles? [more laughing, more coughing] I don't understand.
[annoyed look from Mike]
Mike: Wasn't he the one that wanted to marry the girl, but she couldn't marry him because of the other girl, and there was that other guy that all the girls wanted to marry, and there were all the sisters...
Me: [still laughing] I think you just described most of Jane Austin's books.
Mike: Well, anyway, I sat through that movie. All five hours of it. You owe me, like, five movies for that.
Me: No, it doesn't really count because we were engaged. You were still trying to impress me.
Mike: It does too count!
Me: Ok, fine, whatever.

[30 second pause]

Me: [bursting into a fit of laughter] Mr. Jiggles!!!!!!!! Haaaaaaaaaaahahahaha!

Bad hair days

Today I had the privilege of appearing on the Hall of Shame Fame in the registrar's office at the college where I work. They have a picture frame hanging on their wall, and once a month they post a new picture of someone who works here. This is usually a blown up picture from a past yearbook (which, of course, is always VERY flattering) and until recently, it was always someone who had attended here as a student. It's fun to see the picture and try to guess who it is. And then spend a few minutes snickering about their past appearance.

Well, apparently, they are running out of former students.

I got a call today saying "Oh, you have to run down and see the new picture." I asked who was in this month's picture and my sly co-worker avoided the question. I had to go downstairs anyway, so I popped into the office to see this:


Nice. Fifth grade. Poodle hair. Don't I look thrilled???

I would like to thank all the little people who made this award possible. First, to my mother, for lovingly perming my hair when I was 11, and for scanning this picture into an electronic format so she could easily share it with the world. Second, to my father, for standing me in front of the curtain in our dining room (along with my "student of the month" award) to take this lovely picture. Third, to my sister and brother-in-law, for being such willing participants in this surprise. And finally, I must stop and thank God for bestowing on me such a full head of hair, which is magnificently emphasized when permed.

Since I am already baring my soul to you in the form of Bad Hair Humiliation, here is another picture for your viewing pleasure:


This was taken in 1990, at my sister's wedding. Wouldn't Dolly Parton be proud??

I dare you to not laugh at this

If you need a pick-me-up for your Friday, you've found it. This is HILARIOUS!

Ellen with her Hawaii Chair

Kitty Wigs

All I can say is, wow.

Kitty Wigs

Oh, and here is the tag line from this site:

"If you have any creature in the house with a head bigger than a walnut
(including boyfriends), you need a Kitty Wig™."

Wow.