Saturday, April 5, 2008

The Chex Mix Chronicles

Last Monday, as I was attempting to put air in my tire while:
  1. Wearing heels.
  2. Standing (or squatting, I should say) in the rain.
  3. Holding a ridiculous duck umbrella (complete with an orange bill protruding from the front of it) because the only umbrella in the car happened to be Kaitlyn's.
  4. Attempting to use an air hose a la Tim-the-Tool-Man-Taylor - that sucker meant business!!

I decided that my life frequently affords me the opportunity to experience these types of situations - ones that are equal parts humiliating and humorous. Situations that are perfect blog fodder.

I've already posted a few of these stories, and decided that since I will probably post a lot more, I should come up with a catchy name so I can label them all. I decided on "The Chex Mix Chronicles" because the Chex Mix story is the epitome of what this category will represent. If you haven't read about the time that three of my husband's toenails ended up in the Chex Mix (and in my mouth) please go here immediately. Thank you.

Now, since I know you are dying to know more about my experience in the rain on Monday evening, I will share more of the details with you.

I haven't worn heels to work in ages. But last weekend I got a new pair of pants, and these pants were obviously not going to work with my boring flats - they need a shoe with a heel - and the only option I had was to wear my dress heels. I looked absolutely adorable, and my feet hated every minute of it.

While at work, I realized that Monday night was probably going to be the best possible time for me to go grocery shopping. I didn't have to worry about picking up Kaitlyn after work, and even though it was raining and would be a yucky night to shop, rain was in the forecast for every day of the week so I didn't think that any other day would be any better.

Side note: it did not rain any other day this week. Not one drop.

I left work and realized that I had no umbrella. Except for the duck umbrella that we gave Kaitlyn as a part of her Easter basket. It is such an adorable little umbrella!! It is the perfect size for Kaitlyn and the whole thing looks like a duck head, with eyes and a duck bill that sticks out a little bit.

Yeah, it's adorable for a toddler. But for a woman in heels, trying to maneuver through the Meijer parking lot? Not so much.

I left the umbrella in the car, deciding that I would rather make a dash for it and get a little wet. While in Meijer I wanted to look for a few items to spruce up our house, in preparation for our open house tomorrow. (Please pray that our house sells!!!!) I spent longer than normal in the store, and by the time I got to the check out my feet were killing me.

I went to the self checkout, which I normally love. But on this night, the scanner didn't want to work. I found myself standing there, waving a bag of frozen corn around and around and around, trying it left to right, right to left, from the top down, from the bottom up, etc. I thought maybe it was waiting for a little song and dance. After five or six or one hundred attempts, it finally scanned. A line was forming behind me, and I could only imagine that everyone was thinking, "Geez, lady. Just scan the stupid thing!"

By the time I left the store I was not in the best of moods. I stepped back into the pouring rain, praying that I was actually headed in the direction of my car. I found my car and as I loaded the trunk I noticed the front tire - it was low. Very low. For some reason, the rims on our tires make it difficult for the tires to retain air. Or something like that. Mike explained it to me once, but I all I know is that it means we are always putting air in the tires. My parents gave Mike an air compressor last year for Christmas, which has greatly reduced our hurried trips to local gas stations who provide air. And our digging in the cup holder to see if we have 75 cents, which is how much air normally costs.

But we aren't always on top of the air-in-the-tires situation. And of course this had to be one of those times. And (of course) the tire was low enough that I did not feel safe in driving all the way home without putting air in the tire. I got in the car and headed in the direction of the gas station. When I pulled in I realized that (of course) the air thingy was not in a covered area. I was already wet and miserable, but I didn't have any desire to be SOAKING wet. My only option was to try the duck umbrella. I reluctantly pulled it out and stepped out of the car.

I went around to the tire, squatted down and took the cap off. While simultaneously trying to balance myself, ignore my screaming feet, and hang onto the duck umbrella, I grabbed the hose and put the nozzle onto the air thingy. It didn't seem to be doing anything. By this time, the frustration had reached a whole new level. I kept messing with the nozzle and tried to examine the base unit to make sure it was operating the way it was supposed to. That's when I noticed the other hose. The one lying in the wet, muddy grass, several feet out of reach. The other hose that was tangled up with the hose I was holding.

I made my way to the other hose and stood there, hovered over the grass, trying to balance in my heels and keep the duck umbrella somewhere in the vicinity of the top of my head, while attempting to detangle the hoses. I quickly gave up on any hope of success, and instead I heaved the whole tangled, muddy mess over to the car. (And I'm still holding the duck umbrella, thank you very much.) I put the second nozzle onto the air thingy and it about knocked me off my feet! I've put air in tires plenty of times and I've never experience that kind of air pressure. Normally, it might not have been a big deal. But on this night, well, it just about sent me over the edge.

After I managed to get air in the tires, I heaved the muddy mess of hoses back towards the grass, remembered to put the cap back on the tire, and fished around in the back seat to find a paper towel to wipe my hands off. I put the ducky umbrella down, got in the car, and drove home. And prayed that Mike would find it in his heart to put up with his tired, wet, cranky wife, who was going to make him carry in the groceries.

Note to self: Buy more umbrellas.

For another story from the Chex Mix Chronicles, click here.

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