Saturday, March 29, 2008

Semi's, little blue cars, and killer chunks of ice

Yesterday I had the pleasure of waking up with an "uh-oh" feeling in my stomach. Not a mental uh-oh, like a nagging feeling that I forgot something important, such as forgetting to turn the oven off the night before. No, this was a physical uh-oh. And I won't go into graphic detail of my activity between 6 and 6:30 a.m. because that would just be gross, and I don't think you want to be grossed out.

Once I got the gross stuff out of the way I thought I was on the road to recovery. I thought it probably was something I ate the night before. Plus, it was the day of a big event for work and I needed to get some reports delivered by 8:30. So I got ready and off I went. I dropped K off at the babysitter's, and that's when I realized that I was SICK. It wasn't just one little "oops-I-ate-something-that-didn't-agree-with-me." I made it to work, and once I got inside I had one of those moments of "Oh. my. word. I have to find a bathroom NOW!!" So I did, and then I delivered the reports, and then I got back on the road to head for home.

Now, I have to pause here and tell you about the weather. (There is a point to this - I'm not just rambling. I promise.) When I went outside yesterday it looked like a giant snow-cone (minus the flavoring) had exploded. There was this weird slush/ice/snow mix over everything.

Ok, so back to me leaving work. I was trying to drive as fast as possible while navigating the somewhat icy roads, while dealing with other people (*cough* wimpy drivers *cough*) who were driving way too slow also trying to navigate the icy roads. Do you know how annoying that is when you are just praying that you will make it the 20 minutes home before you explode??

I got behind this semi, and we all know that, for the most part, trucks are going to be a wee bit slower than cars. Especially driving on a busy street with lots of lights where you are constantly stopping and going. So obviously it's best to pass them if you are in a hurry and worried that you might not have any clean undergarments at home just in case you would have an accident.

I pulled into the other lane to attempt to pass, and just as I did this, the little blue car in front of me followed suit. I assumed the little blue car also wanted to pass the semi. But the little blue car apparently missed the memo detailing what you are supposed to do if you pull out from behind a semi and get into the passing lane. Yeah, that's right - you are supposed to PASS THE SEMI. I sat there yelling at the little blue car - "GO AROUND! PICK UP SOME SPEED!! HOW DID YOU GET A #$^&%$#%@ DRIVER'S LICENSE???"

It's amazing what you will yell under such stressful circumstances.

A little way up the road the little blue car turned off and I finally had my chance to pass the semi. As I started around, the semi started spitting that annoying spray of dirty water that semi's tend to spray in this type of weather. I couldn't see very well, so I did the logical thing and turned on my wipers. Except that my wipers were still covered in ice and they didn't wipe. They only smeared a bunch of dirty water across my line of vision.

That's when I realized the semi was moving along at a pretty good pace and I should probably get into the other lane because my lane was going to end in a few lights. I slowed down, moved behind the semi, and the gunk on my windshield cleared up just in time for me to look up and see the semi disappear under a light that had just turned RED.

To avoid running the red light I had to slam on my brakes, praying that the road wasn't icy and that I wouldn't go sliding through one of the busiest intersections on that part of town.

Let me pause here to explain a few things about the laws of physics. When I left my house in the morning, my car was covered in ice. The top of the car had a very thick layer of icy-slushy-snowy stuff that was frozen to the car. But I had now been driving around long enough for the sun to start doing its job, and this ice had loosened up and was just waiting for an opportunity to release itself from the top of my car. And my sudden stop was the opportunity it had been waiting for. (What's that law about every action has an equal and opposite reaction??)

As I slammed on my brakes I heard a horrible noise - it sounded like the entire roof of my car was being ripped off - and in a split second one big chunk of ice came exploding forth and landed on my windshield. The ENTIRE windshield was engulfed by the ice. This would surprise a person under any circumstances, but need I remind you of my situation? Yeah, surprise is a pretty mild word for it.

Thankfully, I did not have any accidents as a result of the killer ice chunk attack. But boy did I ever want to get home!!!

I finally did get home, where I spent the rest of the day in a coma on the couch (minus a few panic-induced trips to the bathroom.) Seriously, whatever I had KNOCKED ME OUT for the entire day. When I went to bed I was worried that I wouldn't be able to sleep because I had slept so much during the day, but I had no problems at all and slept through the entire night. When I woke up today I felt so much better.

And there was no slushy stuff on the ground this morning.

And the sun was shining.

And I didn't have any run-ins with little blue cars or semi's or killer chunks of ice.

Is it spring yet?????


Heather S. said...

Hi! Thanks for checking out my blog and leading me to yours! It is fun to read the blogs of fellow Greenville grads!! Glad things are going well for you - well, except today - sorry you don't feel well!!

Miss Monica said...

Thanks for the laugh. I really needed it after the day I had.