Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Who's on first, trying to buy a burrito

On Monday I stopped at Chipotle to grab some lunch. It was only the third or fourth time I've eaten there and each time it's felt a little Soup Nazi-ish to me. As in, "I don't have time to act nice or explain the different salsa choices, or even tell you that I'm asking you about salsa, I'm just going to mumble off the four choices and expect that you will shout your answer to me as quickly and efficiently as possible and if you don't know exactly what you want by the time I'm done mumbling then please don't even bother to order and move out of the way for those customers who know the drill and are willing to follow it to a T."

Or maybe I just happen to go there during PMS weeks and am super sensitive this?

Anyway, I have to share Monday's conversation with the Chipotle worker because it felt like a strange, guacamole-themed version of "Who's on First." I had ordered a "Burrito! Vegetarian!" from the first guy, who then passed it off to the girl with whom I was about to have a very confusing encounter.

She mumbled the salsa options exactly as I described above, then looked at me annoyingly while I paused to comprehend what she had just asked me before I said, "Oh, uh, fresh tomato."

Chipotle Worker: Sour cream?

Me: Yes.

CW: Cheese?

Me: Yes.

CW: Anything else?

Me: Um, no.

CW: [proceeding to roll up my burrito]

Me: [realizing that I didn't see her put guacamole on it] Oh, wait. Does it come with guacamole?

CW: Yes. [pauses the rolling, gives me a blank stare]

Me: Oh - did you already put it on?

CW: No. [stare that is 50% blank, 25% annoyed, 25% teen attitude]

Me: Um, ok, [thinking maybe it comes on the side?] does it come on the side, or do you put it inside?

CW: It goes inside. [looking at me like I have three heads]

Me: But you didn't put any in it?

CW: No. Most people don't want it.

Me: Ok, well, I want the guacamole. [Thinking: am I really having this conversation?]

CW: [acting like I'm a real problem customer] I don't put it on unless people ask because most people don't want it.

Me: Doesn't it come automatically? I mean, the sign says -

CW: [looking at me like I've now sprouted orange parking cones on top of my three heads, and huffing like I am the most demanding customer she has ever had the displeasure of dealing with] Yeah, but most people don't want it so that's why I didn't put any on.

Me: Well, I didn't ask for it because the sign says it comes on the vegetarian burrito.

CW: Yes, but most people don't want it. So I leave it off unless you ask for it.

Me: [Thinking: It seems that you're the one asking for it. Also thinking: NO GUAC FOR YOU!]

Am I missing something? Am I stupid for assuming that, since the sign said it would come with guacamole, I wouldn't have to ask specifically for it?

The burrito was very good, and I relished every bite of my hard-earned guacamole. I guess all's well that ends well. (And next time I'll know to ask.)


Mom said...

You know, I've been there 3 or 4 times since it opened and I always have this feeling of total panic when I order! It's like if I don't know exactly what I want and if I don't say it fast enough and if I don't get out of the way fast enough I will be a public scurge on civilization. I'm glad I'm not the only one!

Monica said...

I'm tempted to go in there and order a vegetarian burrito just to see what happens when I come to the guac. :o)

Sara Luke said...

Ok, he just forgot. Seriously, I don't believe that MOST people don't want the guacamole. Most people (I know) LOVE guacamole. An yes, it's ridiculous to not put it on when it's listed there. I definitely would have been online writing a polite note to customer service about the experience.

Also, it must just be the Chipotles down there. The ones I've been to in MI and Chicago have always been great!

Esther said...

Erin, I'm sure the restaurant doesn't want to lose customers or get a bad name, so I think the management may appreciate hearing about your experience. You'd be doing a favor!

Erin K. said...

Thanks for reminding me that I need to do an update - I did contact the company and am getting TWO free burritos from them! :) Woohoo! Hopefully I'll be able to write an update about this sometime today.

Stacy said...

This cracked me up! That is why I prefer sit down restaraunts. I always crack under the pressure of having to order my food quickly.

This reminded me of an encounter I had with the lady at the McDonald's drive thru who told me I could not have an egg mcmuffin because they were out of meat. I asked if I could have it without meat and she said no...that it would not then be an egg mcmuffin. I ordered something to the window to pay...and she said "did you want an egg mcmuffin?" I said "yes." She said...we don't have any meat.

I get confused all over again just thinking about it.

Thanks for the laugh.