New every morning

I woke up this morning with this song in my head:

The steadfast love of the Lord never changes
His mercies never come to an end
They are new every morning
New every morning
Great is Thy faithfulness, O Lord
Great is Thy faithfulness

I haven't sung this song since elementary school, but it was a perfect start to my day. I looked up the passage in the Bible that this song comes from, which is in Lamentations.

I don't know about you, but Lamentations is not a book of the Bible that I read on a frequent basis. So I was surprised at how much I could relate to the third chapter, which is where the words to this song are found.

The first half of chapter three is very bleak. This half of the chapter ends with Jeremiah saying, "My soul has been rejected from peace; I have forgotten happiness. So I say, 'My strength has perished, and so has my hope from the Lord.'" (verses 17-18)

Yikes. Those are some strong words.

Jeremiah (at least I'm assuming this is Jeremiah, because the title of this chapter is "Jeremiah Shares Israel's Affliction") must have walked away for a little bit, gathered a new perspective, and then come back to pen the second half of the chapter, because it has a whole different tone and is titled "Hope of Relief in God's Mercy."

Starting in verse 21, he says, "This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord's lovingkindnesses never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'Therefore I have hope in Him.' The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him."

It is comforting to see such despair in the Bible, because it reminds me that it's ok to be mad at God. It's ok to be down sometimes. It's ok to have a nervous breakdown and yell at God for a little bit.

(But it does give you a sore throat the next day. Just FYI.)

It is even more comforting to see the words of despair, expressed in the midst of raw human emotion, followed up by words of encouragement.

And don't you just love word "lovingkindnesses"? It's a tongue-twister, but it just sounds so, um, loving. And kind. Like God is going to shower me with hugs and chocolate (without the calories, of course) and bubble baths and all kinds of fun stuff.

(Do I sound like I've just stepped out a CareBear's movie or something??)

Anyway, I still don't know how everything will turn out, but I do know it is in God's hands. The latest word on our house is that we might not be able to close on it this week, which would just plain STINK, but I have to trust that if the closing is delayed, there is some reason why we aren't supposed to move this weekend.

A good thing about today is that my laundry is done. We all have clean clothes and clean underwear, and hopefully the next round of laundry will be done in my new house.

Where I'll also have a dishwasher.

(Have I mentioned how excited I am about that?)

I'll also have an attached garage.

And central air.

And my own master bathroom.

And a much bigger pantry.

And an ice maker in my fridge, with an ice and water dispenser in the door.

Yeah, everything will turn out just fine, and three months from now I'll look back and think, "What was I so worried about?"

Ok, I might not say that, but I do know that I will look back and say, "God has been faithful to me!"

I yelled at God today

Yes ma'am, I did. I really let him have it.

Thankfully, he's big enough to take it.

It all started this morning. I got up feeling ok, but then I started thinking about everything that needs to be done. The more I thought, the more I got stressed out. And then, it happened.

I suddenly found myself in a crumpled heap on the bathroom floor, sobbing. Wailing. Hyperventilating. Wondering if this is what it feels like to have a nervous breakdown.

I could hear Kaitlyn at the bottom of the stairs, expressing her concern because mommy was crying.

I wanted to stop crying so she wouldn't be worried. And, of course, that just made me cry even more.

Part of me felt so silly, and so out of control. But I knew it was time to let it all come out.

All of the stress of the past two months. All the stress that comes with selling a house, and buying a house, and trying not to worry too much about everything coming together for the closing.

All the stress that comes with packing up a house to move.

All the stress that comes with starting a new job.

All the stress that comes with a trip to visit family for five days, and being in the car with a two-year-old, and trying to make it without much sleep because the two-year-old is out of her element and not sleeping well.

And the stress of returning home, only to have my husband leave two days later for a three day business trip to Colorado.

And, to top it all off, my mom being diagnosed with cancer. Yeah, that's something I haven't had a chance to write about. Her prognosis is very good, and we are optimistic that she will have a full recovery. But still, the whole thing stinks.

**sigh**

When I finally dropped Kaitlyn off at the sitter's house this morning, I got back in the car and found myself crying again. And then, I was yelling. Before I knew what hit me, I was YELLING at God.

It was a lot like Kaitlyn at Mike's cousin's wedding. By the time we got to the reception, she was tired and cranky. She was out of her element. She was tired of having to put up with strange people, and tired of so many people wanting her attention and/or telling her what to do.

And she threw a temper tantrum.

I felt so bad for her. I wished I could swoop down and make it all better for her.

I don't know why I'm walking through all of this right now. I don't know why God has chosen to allow all of these things to come on me at one time. (Believe me, I did ask him about that today.) :-)

I do know that in the midst of my emotion, the one thing that kept coming out of my mouth was, "Jesus - help me! I'm so desperate for you!"

It's been a long time since I've felt that way; knowing that I am at the end of being able to help myself, and knowing that the only way I can possibly make it through is to cling desperately to God.

I don't really know how to wrap this post up. I feel like I am being such a downer, but I also feel compelled to write out what I'm going through right now.

The bottom line is that I will continue to trust God. My God is the same one who parted the Red Sea. He is the same God who shut the mouths of the lions and spared Daniel's life. He is the same God who gave Esther courage to save her people. He is the same God who asked Abraham to trust him, over and over again, without knowing how things would turn out.

Yeah, that's my God.

And I'll continue to trust him.

The good thing about today's little outburst is it made me realize that something had to give. I talked to my boss and she encouraged me to take as much time off of work as I need to.

Praise the Lord for an understanding boss!!

I took the afternoon off of work and was able to get several things accomplished. My sister, Monica, came over for the second night in a row and helped me knock out a bunch of packing. She helped me tackle the areas that I was really dreading, and has been such an incredible blessing to me.

And she dug her wardrobe boxes out of storage so I can use them. Yaaaaaaay!!!!!

I'm going to take my time getting to work tomorrow. I doubt that Kaitlyn will let me sleep in, but at least I can take some time to enjoy my coffee and not worry about being to work right at 8am. :-)

And, I promise that my next post will be a little more uplifting. If you are going through a rough time right now, be encouraged by one of my favorite Bible verses:

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known; along unfamiliar paths
I will guide them. I will turn the darkness into light before them, and
make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not
forsake them."

~Isaiah 42:16

Stayin' Alive

What a month.

I can't believe it's been so long since my last post. It's been quite a whirlwind.

For three years, Mike and I have waited for things to take off for the company he works for. For about two years we've talked about moving, and last October we finally put our house on the market, where it stayed for eight months. In December, I submitted my resume for a new job.

The wait for each of these things has felt endless.

Until they all happened AT THE SAME TIME.

Within a two-week time span, they all happened. Well, my husband's company hasn't exploded overnight, but the dominoes are starting to fall and they are falling faster than I can keep up with.

The good news is that these are all huge blessings for us.

The part that makes me tired is that they are all big life changes and they all take a significant amount of energy.

Hence, the long pause in blogging.

So... I hope to return soon with more updates, and more writing, and more stories about the ins and outs of life. For the moment, I think this is all the writing I can muster.

Oh - except to ask for prayer that the closing on both houses will happen without any problems. We are supposed to close next Tuesday, the 29th. (My mom's birthday!) Please pray that everything will go smoothly!!

My new house!

As of 9:30pm last night, it's official. Our offer has been accepted. We are on our way to having a new house!!!

The whole experience was really crazy because our realtor is out of town, and there was another buyer who was interested in the house. We wanted to wait for Tara to get back in town before we submitted the offer, but knowing that there was another buyer interested, and knowing that this was in a school district that is very popular, we wanted to act fast.

And act, we did. The whole process, from seeing the house for the first time until we signed the paperwork, took about 24 hours. Whew!

Here is a picture of my new house, featuring one of my favorite things - an attached garage:



Here is picture of the kitchen, featuring the second of my favorite things - a dishwasher:




Woohoo!

A comparison

This is a comparison of pre-8:32am Saturday accomplishments.

Pre-parenthood:
Nothing. Maybe we would have rolled out of bed by now.


Post-parenthood:
Eat breakfast.
Play with the barn.
Check Facebook.
Read a book. (Hippo-not-amus.)
Check email.
Read the paper. (Or at least parts of it.)
Play with the ABC puzzle. (And search for the missing W and G.)
Run down to the basement to see what needs to be packed.
Pack two boxes of dishes.
Stack the next round of dishes on the table to pack later.
Scrape the window.
Paint the window.
Try to lay down for five minutes to rest.
Watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.
Write and post a blog.

EDITED TO ADD:
Apparently, I am also brain dead from all of this activity. I just remembered this isn't Saturday.

I also need to note that the above accomplishments are not all mine, in case it isn't obvious that Mike was a part of it all. :-)

Works for Me Wednesday

I'm not participating in WFMW this week (I enough going on right now, thank you very much!) but I did at least want to post a link to it, because it is a themed edition: recipes with five ingredients or less.

And who couldn't use some really fast and easy recipes?

So, there you have it. My good deed for the day. If you find something really good, please come back and share it with the rest of the class!

God's Plan A (also known as my plan b)

A while back I wrote about building an altar to commemorate an important spiritual milestone. You know, those times when God shows up really big in your life, or those times when you reach a new level, or those times when you have a huge revelation that completely transforms the way you look at things.

I have a "faith altar" experience that happened over a series of years during and after college. I'll try to give you the Reader's Digest version...

When I went off to college, my goal was to work in the Christian music industry. (And that is a whole other story for another time!) The college I went to hosted a Christian music festival every year, and it was completely student run. I arrived on campus thinking, "Wouldn't it be incredible if I could be the director of the festival my senior year?"

I applied to be a part of the staff. I was not selected.

I was very disappointed, but I thought, hey, I'm just a freshman. I'll focus on getting involved in other areas on campus and then I'll apply again next year.

My sophomore year I had high hopes. I knew several of the people who were key decision makers. I had established a reputation for being a dependable worker. I was certain that this would be my year.

And then, it wasn't my year.

I vividly remember going to my mailbox, knowing that other students had already received their acceptance or rejection letter. I nervously opened it and then stared in disbelief. I had been rejected. Again.

I was bitterly disappointed and headed off to my room to have a good cry. Along the way I saw other students excitedly telling their friends that they had been chosen. "Why them and not me?" is what I angrily asked God.

After crying it out I decided that I would move on. If that wasn't God's plan for me, then I would focus my energy on other opportunities that came my way. But believe me, I was still bitter about the whole situation.

Later in the year, I was talking with my advisor and she noted that I had enough credits to graduate a semester early. I thought about it and prayed about it, and decided that I would graduate early.

Fast forward to the end of my sophomore year, and through a series of events I ended up on the staff of the music festival. It was exactly where I had wanted to be in the first place, and I was absolutely in seventh heaven.

After the festival I was asked by the next year's director to take on an Executive Cabinet position. Of course I said "YES!" I was even more in seventh heaven.

The next year (my junior year, for those of you keeping score at home) the director approached me and asked if I would be interested in being the director my senior year.

I said, "I would love nothing more, but I've already decided to graduate a semester early." I had already planned my finances based on not being there for second semester and there was no way I could come up with the money to stay around.

I was disappointed to turn down the very position I had coveted before even coming to college.

BUT... it made me wonder what God was up to. If I had been on the festival's staff from the very beginning, I never would have decided to graduate early. I wondered what God might have up his sleeve.

I finished my coursework in January of 2000 and soon after I moved to Nashville. I ended up going to a temp agency, who sent me off to my very first assignment... in the office of the Billy Graham Crusade that was set up in Nashville, just for that year.

It was perfect timing. If I had graduated in May and moved to Nashville in June, I would have completely missed the Crusade.

I spent three years working with the Crusades - I was a part of eight Crusades in eight different cities. (Nashville, Jacksonville, Louisville, Fresno, Cincinnati, Dallas/Ft. Worth, San Diego and Oklahoma City.) It was absolutely the most amazing experience of my life.

(Well, aside from being a wife and a mom, of course.)

I look back at the sophomore college student who was so disappointed at not being accepted. I couldn't understand why the door would be shut in my face, when everything had indicated that I was "in". I couldn't understand why other students, who didn't care as much as I did, would be chosen and I would be left by the wayside.

I couldn't understand why my Plan A had failed. I didn't want Plan B.

Now I know that God's Plan A was so much better. He was already down the road, arranging things so that I could take advantage of a really exciting opportunity.

But in order for his Plan A to work out, he had to shut the door on my plan.

He knew it would hurt. He knew I would be disappointed. I envision him watching me and saying, "Hang on Erin! Just hang on, and trust in me, because I have something even better to give you."

Whenever a door closes on my Plan A, I remember this experience. I remember to hang on, and trust that God has something else in mind. I might not understand it for a very long time - heck, I might not understand it until I get to heaven - but I can still trust that my Heavenly Father has my best interests at heart.

We put an offer on a house on Monday night, and found out yesterday that someone else made a better offer. So, we didn't get the house.

The worst part of it is switching mental gears again. I went from thinking that the search could be over, and was mentally settling into this house. Where would I put the furniture? What work would we need to do on it? What colors would I paint the walls? Now I have to switch back to the mode of evaluating potential homes.

Even though I'm not looking forward to gearing up for round two of the house search, I'm at peace, knowing that God has it all under control. I trust that he shut the door on this house because he knew it wouldn't be right for us. I also trust that he has the perfect house for us, and he will reveal it to us at just the right time.

Has a door been shut on your Plan A? If so, be encouraged.

Isaiah 55:8-9

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD.
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts."